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Visit our website www.in-equilibrium.co.uk for information on the following:
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THE
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FEATURES |
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Do other people upset you, particularly when they don't do
things your way? Try co-operation instead of confrontation; its
better than fighting and always being 'right'. A little give and
take on both sides will reduce the strain and can surprise you by making
you both feel better.
By Alastair Taylor. |
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Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope. Robert F. Kennedy (1925-1968, American Attorney General, Senator)
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3. Book Review: When Perfect Isn't Good Enough by Martin Antony and Richard Swinson |
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Buy When Perfect Isn't Good Enough I find that perfectionism is often a common underlying theme for a lot of problems ranging from anxiety to depression. This book is full of practical exercises to try to challenge some of the underlying thoughts that make us perfectionist about particular issues. You don't have to be perfectionist in every angle of your life to benefit from this book - I think it is healthier to think of perfectionism in a similar way to stress, in that we all tend to suffer from it at some point at some level throughout the course of our lives. I don't think of myself as a particularly perfectionist character, however I do know that there are times, particularly when I am feeling stressed, that I have unrealistic expectations of myself. If you recognise this in yourself, you may find this book useful. This book does tend to look at problems that have reached a level where they are interfering with your day to day living, and so at times it is very intense, but if you can read it and just take from it what you feel you need, I think it can be very useful. The book is divided into 3 main parts: Part 1 is about understanding what perfectionism actually is. It looks at the areas of your life it might affect, the origins of it, why some people don't appear to suffer from it and the impact it has on your life. It looks at perfectionist thoughts and behaviours and the typical styles of thinking that accompany these. Part 2 is about overcoming perfectionism, looking at how much it actually affects you, developing a plan for change and ways of changing perfectionist thoughts and behaviours. The last few chapters (part 3) look at specific problems that often go hand in hand with perfectionism and these include depression, anger, social anxiety, worry, obsessive-compulsive behaviour, dieting and body image. If you dread making mistakes and feel that nothing you do is quite good enough this book offers hope and help to overcome the need to be perfect and it might even help you to find ways of accepting yourself with your limitations! By Jan Lawrence |
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4. Al's Column: The loneliness of a long distance consultant |
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I have developed the greatest respect for anyone who has to travel a lot in their job. You see I now travel a lot in my job and I know how difficult it can be. In the last few months I’ve worked in Kent, Surrey, London, Herts, Hampshire, Gloucestershire, Warwickshire, Lancashire, Cheshire, Yorkshire, Notts, Northumbria and even occasionally in Scotland, which is where I’m based. I’ve graduated to frequent flyer status, and almost but not quite come to terms with the stress of flying. I’ve driven about twelve different types of car and am on first name terms with the people at Hertz. I have driven on almost all the motorways in the UK, including with deep regret, the M25 and the M6 past Birmingham. I have sampled the delights of several varieties of business hotels, including those ending in ‘inn’, ‘express’, and ‘lodge (3 varieties)’. Business travel is not glamorous but gruelling, and unfortunately in my case it also involves periods of hard work (often training) between the periods of travel. It’s taken a bit of getting used to and to begin with I found it very stressful. The most difficult part is the isolation and loneliness, especially if you’re a social person. Let’s face it, there are very few of us that thrive on solitude and living the life of a hermit. Gradually I have learned some coping strategies that have worked for me and I thought I would share them with you. I am naturally scruffy and am not at home in a suit so the first chance I get I change into my jeans. I never ever stay in my hotel to eat or drink. For a start, hotel food is usually overpriced and poor, and secondly I have yet to find a more depressing place than a hotel bar. So I always head out. Usually there is a village nearby, within walking distance, where there is a great pub selling good food. In England especially I have never found that I cannot walk to a real pub (by ‘real’ I mean not something plasticky that was built adjacent to a hotel). I always take the time to look round the village and find the local church. I am not particularly religious, but there is something very uplifting about village churches and churchyards. Often, they are very old, even ancient, and I sit for a while just to take in the atmosphere. If the church is open I go in and wander around. I take opportunities to talk to people where I can. You feel a bit daft doing this to begin with but it’s worth overcoming a bit of embarrassment to connect with people. I’ve found being active is much less isolating than being passive. For instance reading or listening to the radio is less depressing than watching the telly. To read or to listen you have to engage your brain, whereas you tend to vegetate in front of the telly. Finally, I am not a great user of mobiles and never really use one at home, but I do use mine when I’m away, to connect to my wife, colleagues, friends. ‘Phone a friend’ is really good advice when you’re away. Without doubt the greatest risk of working away is if you feel isolated. I think that any way you can connect actively with people, things, places, ideas, or anything else for that matter, when you are away, reduces that risk. Happy travelling. Alan Bradshaw |
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Negative atmospheres thrive in an environment of bad communication. In your experiences at work you may have observed a manager and a team member focusing on what the other isn't doing. Take the example of Muriel, a manager who was having problems with her employees. She felt they weren't working with enough dedication, they didn't treat her with respect, and she kept thinking "If I were in their position I would...", and "They don't know how easy they have it!" Jackie, one of the team, had a different take on things: "No-one can ever do enough for Muriel, she just keeps pushing harder and harder" "If I was in management I wouldn't have these problems, her job is a easy compared to ours!" Have you ever heard yourself say..."Oh how much easier it would be if we had that other person in the office's job! They have so many advantages over me!" Remember, there is a danger in wishing rather than fixing. The problem with this line of thinking is that it tends to create a stalemate - No-one is doing anything to try to understand things from the other's perspective, and as a result the situation doesn't improve. Every time we talk about how "They have it better" the existing situation continues and may even deteriorate. If we constantly tell ourselves (and the others we work with) that things in life would be so much better if .....we lived somewhere else....we worked in another company....we had different parents etc, all of our time and energy is used up thinking about 'what if's'. This can cause stress. The alternative is to think about what steps you need to actually make to improve your life. That's when you start to thrive rather than the negative atmosphere! By Jan Lawrence
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Sign up to this newsletter for your own personal use. Sign up to this newsletter in order to pass it onto others within your organisation To update your email address, simply reply to this email with both your old and new email address. This message has been sent to the following e-mail address: subscriberemail. Go to the Training Page on our website for information on the content of our open courses. The dates for the 2003 series of half day stress open courses are on the website now. We have dates for Open Courses in London, Newcastle, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Nottingham, Southampton, Bristol, and Birmingham. Remember you can download our Stress Policy Guide for free. |
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Equilibrium Associates Limited. |