Hints and Tips in Stress Management
Stress Management Hints and Tips
Don't let negativity cause you stress
Negative people carry stress and, sometimes unwittingly, pass this stress on through negative comments. If such a comment then plays on your mind, it can bring you down. However, a good technique for not allowing this to happen is to transpose the comment onto a mental picture of your gravestone and see if it’s likely to remain there. Put alongside positive comments regularly received from family, friends and colleagues, you may find that although upsetting today, when viewed in the bigger picture, the negative comment shrivels to its deserved level of insignificance.
Keeping Life in Perspective
If you’re having a stressful time and finding it difficult to see the wood from the trees, try taking a couple of minutes out with a piece of paper and a pen. Write a list of all the things which you think makes your life worthwhile from your important personal relationships to the welcome a pet gives you when you come home at night. You may be surprised at how many positive aspects appear on your list and you may find that your next hurdle doesn’t appear to be quite so high.
Happiness
It is all too easy to get caught up in the speed of today's life. However, spending a couple of minutes reading and absorbing the words of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, founder of the Transcendental Meditation Technique, may refresh your tired emotions.
"Happiness radiates like the fragrance from a flower, and draws all good things toward you. Allow your love to nourish yourself as well as others. Do not strain after the needs of life. It is sufficient to be quietly alert and aware of them. In this way life proceeds more naturally and effortlessly. Life is here to enjoy!"
The 60 Second Tranquilliser
This is a useful exercise to help you cope better in situations where you are likely to feel panicky or fearful.
It is important to practise this controlled breathing technique regularly - away from stressful or anxious situations until you become quite skilled at it.
Using a positive thought will activate the parasympathetic nervous system and help to switch off the fight/flight reaction.
Say firmly to yourself ‘Take control’.
Repeat – ‘I can do anything I want to’ breathe out slowly.
Slowly breathe in and allow your abdomen to soften and rise.
Pause slightly.
Slowly breathe out, slightly longer than breathing in.
Say to yourself ‘I am breathing in peace and blowing away tension’.
Each time you breathe out relax your face, jaw, shoulders, and hands.
Move and talk more slowly.
Repeat again until you feel fully in control.
Resilience Tip
Why are people like tea bags?
Because people don’t know how strong they are until they get into hot water! It may sound a bit corny, but the answer to this riddle, for me, sums up the benefits of focusing on developing our personal resilience, both at work and at home. Dealing with difficulties is part of life, and the more we can see setbacks as opportunities for personal growth and development, the stronger we can become.
So how can we learn to be more resilient?
The next time you are in “hot water” try the following (adapted from Dr Siebert’s suggestions in “The Resiliency Advantage“).
- Don’t bottle up your feelings, talk them through with a friend or write them down.
- Mentally replay the experience as if you are watching yourself in a movie, you might be able to find a different but more helpful view on what is happening.
- Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this? What might be the lesson here? What could I do differently next time?”
- Imagine yourself handling the situation differently, and getting a better outcome.
- Mentally rehearse the ways you would handle such a situation should it ever happen again.
- Amongst the many benefits of learning from difficult experiences, we will feel more confident from knowing that we have survived adversity; and our courage for facing future setbacks will grow from our new found strengths.
So when things are going well and you are asked if you want a cup of tea, smile, and be thankful that it’s only the tea bag that’s in the hot water … for now!
Relaxation
One of the most enduring and successful stress management strategies, with enormous benefits, is Relaxation.
You probably agree but like many busy people you might feel that you are unable to find time to relax.
Let me ask you ... do you find time for morning or afternoon tea? If you answered "yes" then I want to
suggest that it might be more possible than you think to fit a 10 minute relaxation break into your day!
Visualise and make it easier on yourself!
Use your imagination and take a few moments to picture yourself managing what you feel is a stressful situation more successfully. Whether it's a presentation, a confrontation, or an interview, many people find that visual rehearsals boost self-confidence and enable them to take a more positive approach to a difficult task. Why not think of something you could visualise and commit to visualising it before the end of today?
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Diaphragmatic or deep breathing is probably the most widely used reactive stress management technique. Give it a try the next time you feel under pressure or are stuck in a tense situation. Maybe you have an irate customer on the phone who is being unreasonable and aggressive. You can feel yourself beginning to get angry and losing control. Try the following while listening: take several slow, deep breaths into the pit of your stomach, follow this with some normal breathing, then take several more deep breaths. Most people are surprised at how well this simple exercise calms them down and clarifies their thinking.
Are you planning your day?
Planning each day by writing down specific tasks keeps you organised and helps you feel in control. It feels good to tick off routine tasks you know you will complete as the day goes by. Remember those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
Give Yourself a Break
If you are a bit of a perfectionist and tend to be very hard on yourself, try giving yourself a break. For a few days think of yourself as a valued friend who needs support and encouragement. If you know this 'friend' is genuinely doing their best, there is nothing to be gained from constant criticism.
Unclutter your wardrobe!
You may have heard of this uncluttering tip for paperwork - either "file it, bin it or act on it." Well now you can use it for your wardrobe- "retain, repair, revamp or retire". How many minutes do you spend sifting through clothing that hasn't seen daylight for a couple of years? Uncluttering your wardrobe can have quite an effect on your mood and the time you have at the start of your day!
(Retire does not mean to the loft.......it means Oxfam!)
The Amazing Shrinking Man (or Woman)
If you have someone you work beside who unnerves or intimidates you, (intentionally or not) try using your imagination to bring them down to size.
Close your eyes and visualise this person standing in front of you. Now start to shrink them in the same way as you’ve seen it done in Sci-Fi B movies on TV. Become aware that you are starting to smile as they get smaller and smaller and less and less significant. Shrink them right down until they are only a few inches tall, and you are having to lean forward to see them. You can’t help but smile and chuckle as they use their squeaky little voices to try to talk to you. If you have a mind to, pick them up and hide them in a drawer or kick them out of the nearest window.
This sounds like just a bit of fun, but there is a serious side to it. Each time you use your imagination in this way your unconscious can’t help but downgrade the person’s status in your mind. You will find that the more often you shrink and dispose of someone in this way, and enjoy doing it, the less they will concern you. Try it and see.
Get Out of Bed!
Get out of bed earlier and use the extra time to do something you don't normally get the chance to do.
Have a cup of tea and read the papers alone, take a nice long shower or have a soak in the bath, sort through your old clothes and put them in a bag for the charity shop.
Once you have done the things you never get time to do, you can do the things you never imagined you would get around to doing!
Ideas for Overcoming Shyness
Shyness is a feeling of unease around people - especially with people we don't know, or with those we feel insecure with. It is very common, but it often stems from false beliefs about what others are thinking, (e.g. that they are making negative judgements about you) or negative beliefs about yourself (e.g. that you are not as good at communicating as others).
A negative result of shyness may be that others think you are uncaring or ignorant. When the real problem is that you are so focussed on the difficulties of a situation that you are unable to pay sufficient attention to what people are actually trying to say!
Here are four suggestions for overcoming shyness:
1. People who are worth having as friends will judge you on the kind of person you really are, you are made up of lots of different characteristics. So try to stop thinking about what others are thinking about you.
2. Think positively. I know this is easier said than done, but how will you know if you don't try? Rather than expecting perfection from yourself be realistic about your own strengths and weaknesses. Life would be boring if everyone had the same opinions, if someone has a different viewpoint from you, it doesn't mean they have rejected you as a person.
3. Learn to be sociable (at your own pace!) Force yourself to smile, to greet others and to carry on a conversation. Remember, asking people questions about themselves usually results in them speaking for a while!
4. Set realistic and meaningful goals for yourself. Make a list and try the easier ones first, as your confidence builds up build on your successes by doing the next one on your list.
Remember shyness affects most of us at some point in our lives, but if you are thinking negatively your predictions will automatically have a negative outcome. The reality may actually be easier than you think!
Pen Your Way to Inner Peace!
Don’t bottle up your feelings. Often stress occurs out of frustration and lack of communication. Learn positive ways to express your feelings and desires to people who may be causing you stress.
If it isn't possible to express your feelings, or it doesn't seem appropriate, then there is an alternative. Put your feelings on paper in a diary. Often the simple act of 'getting it off your chest' in an appropriate manner will reduce your stress level.
This tip is supported by research. For example, a study at the University of New York found that after 70 people with either asthma or rheumatoid arthritis wrote about their most stressful experience for 20 minutes a day for 3 consecutive days, nearly half found that their physical discomforts had eased significantly (Journal of the American Medical Association, 1999).
The Bubble Technique
This is a useful technique you can teach yourself which has helped many people in situations where they have felt under pressure or have faced aggression.
Visualise yourself inside a bubble. The colour and texture of the bubble is up to you but they must make you feel comfortable and safe. Now fill your bubble with all your favourite things, including music, memories, smells and feelings. Develop the habit of being in your bubble whenever you can. Think of practicing this exercise as a ‘treat’ you are allowing yourself, brief periods of relief during your busy day.
The surface of the bubble can protect you from negativity and aggression from outside sources. Visualise aggressive words and attitudes bouncing off or being deflected round you by the bubble surface. Simultaneously the contents of the bubble make you feel relaxed, calm and confident which allows you to think clearly and respond in an assertive manner.
Eventually you will find that you can visualise yourself surrounded by your bubble during actual stressful events and feel safer and more confident in those situations.
Remember this is a technique which, like any other, improves with committed practice and application over time.
Stop Look and Listen to prevent unwanted thoughts
Stress is frequently caused by what we think about. If you find yourself either worrying about a future event or if you can’t get a bad experience out of your mind try the following.
Firstly, write down the worries or ruminations you want to stop, this raises your awareness of them.
Secondly, the next time you find yourself dwelling on these unwanted thoughts interrupt the thought process by shouting in your mind (or out loud if you want to) STOP !
As soon as you shout stop bring yourself back into the here and now by looking at everything around you and listening to everything around you.
If you focus your attention on what you can see and hear in the present it is impossible to worry about the future or past at the same time.
If you persevere with this exercise for a few weeks you will find you can banish unwanted thoughts that can cause you stress.
Action
The thing that prevents most people from turning dreams into reality is failure to turn ideas into action.
This could be because we tend to focus on the TASK and not the OUTCOME. The task may seem to be taxing, demanding, even frustrating ... but the outcome could be satisfying, exhilarating, even life-changing!
Avoid the stress of under achievement by listing all those uncompleted tasks or projects and writing beside each one of them how you would feel if the project was actually completed. Focus on that feeling and then act!
Avoid The 'Sugar Blues'
If you find you are regularly tired and lethargic in the afternoons it may have something to do with your eating habits. If you are taking too much sugar through sweets and sugary drinks you may be spiking your blood sugar levels and suffering the ‘sugar blues’. This gives you periods of extra energy followed by periods of low energy and lethargy. Try avoiding the sweets and eat more fruit in between meals, you may be surprised at how more alert you feel in the afternoons.
Live in the Present
Live in the here and now instead of the past or the future. Take note of what is happening now instead of being anxious about what might happen in the future. Focus on what is happening now instead of on the situation that occurred an hour ago.
Park Your Thoughts
Do you ever have problems getting off to sleep, or do you ever get up for the loo and have difficulty getting back to sleep again? An effective technique that may help is to ‘park’ your unfinished business before you go to bed. To do this simply take a piece of paper and write down all the things that are occupying your mind before you go to bed. Some people also find it helpful to list all the things they have to do the following day. Once you have finished, ‘park’ the list in another room and if you need to, refer to it again in the morning. The effect of this exercise is to clear your unconscious mind to allow you to fully rest your body and your mind.
Must you always be right?
Do other people upset you, particularly when they don't do things your way? Try co-operation instead of confrontation; its better than fighting and always being 'right'. A little give and take on both sides will reduce the strain and can surprise you by making you both feel better.
How hot are you in bed?!
You probably know that your body temperature is a key factor in how well you sleep at night. But did you know that once in bed you actually start to lose heat through your face, hands and feet as your body prepares for sleep? If your bedroom is too hot you won't be able to lose heat adequately, which can result in a broken night's sleep. A good reason to adjust your heating thermostat to the right temp for these autumn nights - it's not quite winter yet!!
Acceptance
If you can create an environment where genuine praise is given freely, the people within that environment will be much more able to develop themselves and live to their potential.
Too much criticism saps the desire to move forward.
There are several views on what 'too much' actually means, but research has shown that healthy, lasting relationships are likely to have a ratio of 5:1 positive:negative interaction. That means 5 positive comments to one negative comment, can you think of an example of a relationship where you manage to do this?
There are many things we have no control over, like the weather and world events, and if they are bad we accept it. There is no question of taking personal responsibility or blaming ourselves for things we have no control over. However when it comes to people and relationships we often blame ourselves or feel bad because of other people’s behaviour. Try to adopt the same attitude to someone’s bad behaviour as you would to the weather or anything else you have no control over. Remember the only thing we really have any control over is our own reactions to events.
